It’s not that I fear what’s coming, I fear what I’m leaving behind.
Up ‘till now I’ve been building onto what I already had, filling up my bookshelf, adding to my walls. We could move houses and schools and have to get used to the changes, but it was always relative to what I still had with me. This is on a whole new level. I’m leaving for an entirely new world, taking only what I can carry with me, into the unknown.
I don’t see what’s coming as a bad thing, I look forward to it, I’m excited about it. But what’s going to happen to the life I’ve made? I’ve put so much effort into the things and people I love, I don’t want to lose them. It’s a fear I’ve had since freshman year, but it’s becoming more and more obsolete. It’s coming down to the final hours, and I’m realizing that I’ve lost a lot before I’ve even left. Ichigo is entering the final arc, Naruto is nearing his final fight. I’d grown so weary of my school that the thought of going back there even for a visit makes me uneasy. I feel like I’m getting stale, sitting in this room for so long. Even my friend group, whose quantity and quality I’d always been proud of, has dwindled. I can count the number of people I can stand being around on my hands.
Maybe this is how it always is, this is what growing out of people and places and lives feels like. I’m just not used to it. But I’m ready for it. Because the people who loved us never truly leave us, and we never leave them. Even if we never speak again, even if we forget each others names, we shaped each other, and that lasts.
I’m looking through the amazing collection of artwork from the stories that are closest to me. The ones that I started with, and have lasted the longest. I remember how impossibly sad I was when Atem left Yugi and went to the next world, as if I read it only a few days ago. But I don’t even know that I was 10 when Yu-GI-Oh ended. I hope that’s how it’ll be when the rest end, remembering the last image like I’d just turned the page. I hope that’s how I remember my friends. And I hope I can be as impressive as Atem, walking into the unknown, taking only the memory of his old life with him.
I have always said this, but the best part of Yu-Gi-Oh is the bonds of friendship that exist in the series. The characters go through intense development, and it’s painful to watch them part. Yet just as moving was the way it ended, not with a conclusion but with an introduction. All of them, walking out into the sun, and Yugi taking charge of his own story at last. I love the way manga can resonate with me like this, and I think that’s how I’m feeling at the moment. I’m excited to see what I’ll learn, what I’ll create, and what I’ll become.
It doesn’t feel like my life ended, not anymore, it feels like my life is beginning. Now, let us step out into the night and pursue that flighty temptress, adventure!